What I have for you today is a comprehensive guide to spotting a nerd. I am a nerd, so I'm an expert and you can trust me. Some of these features I have outgrown, but some still apply.
1. Backpack size. This can apply to purses or desks as well, if you're not in the school sphere like I still am. Nerds take the motto be prepared to a whole new level. (On a side note, are popular kids even part of scouts anymore? I'm pretty sure all my girl scout friends were nerds like me...) Nerds pack their bags to the point of splitting seams under the mantra of "I might need this." As in, "I might need this forty pound textbook to look up a definition that the teacher doesn't clarify in class." You can spot a nerd on any campus by the number of inches their backpack extends away from their backs. Greater than six inches, you got yourself a nerd. I have downsized my backpack since high school (my back thanks me), but I still have that "I might need this" hoarding tendency with pens. The amount of pens/pencils/markers that I own is ridiculous. If you're in the working world, look for your nerd friends through the amount of desk supplies they have. Or the number of things in their briefcases/purses. You'll find one quite quickly.
2. Dress/hygiene. Thank goodness I've outgrown this one. Nerds are too busy studying/wasting their lives on their computers to wash. Wash their clothes, wash their bodies etc. They're not the ridiculously smelly kid in the back that doesn't wash because he hates people, but they could definitely use a shower and shampooing session. There is also a major disconnect between what nerds think are cool pieces of clothing and what is socially acceptible. I'm hoping that you're all visualizing Urkel right now. We nerds have moved away from that stereotypical look for the most part, but there are still things that are just not cool.
Case in point: any shirt with animals on it. Seriously. 3. Inadvertent hipster tendencies. Nerds live in their own nerd worlds, and you probably haven't heard of them. They spend the majority of their time on Sims, memes, WoW, Lord of the Rings, what have you, and they get haughty when you don't know the miniscule details. You didn't know that Pippin's son married one of Sam's daughters? Psh... This can happen with books, politics, spelling, and grammar as well. You'll know as soon as you make a mistake where the nerd is located in your group of people. It may or may not stem from a need to always be right. Guilty.
4. Nervous tics. Personally still working on this one. A nerd is uncomfortable in social situations, so their body has to compensate to calm the nerves. Stereotypically, you think of the nerd pushing his or her glasses up the bridge of the nose. You can see it, can't you? Okay, well, contacts are pretty popular now, so glasses may be worn less. What now? For me, my nose itches. You can tell I'm nervous because I rub my nose. There may be excessive fidgeting with the hands, tapping of the foot, hair twirling, or, my favorite, the constant leg shaking under the table. In class or at a business meeting, the person constantly wiggling, especially when called out by the leader, is your nerd.
Now you're thinking, holy crap, that's me! Haha, don't worry, it's me too. I would say that 1 of 4 you're probably safe to interact with people without them making fun of you. Also, like myself, maybe you've grown out of these, but you still look back fondly on the days when you wore a sweatshirt with a giant chrysanthemum and marigold yellow sweatpants. If more than one of these applies to you, I'm not judging, but maybe you should think about image a little more than Frodo and Sam. Just saying. It'll get you places. And friends.
Laura
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